Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
