We named our party play list daddy issues
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
