i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
