So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
