Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
