proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
