I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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