but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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