Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
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He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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