Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
