I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
