drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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