ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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