Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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