508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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