You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
