were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
