I am puke
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
