Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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