Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
