i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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