I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We are two peas in an std pod
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
