Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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