This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
