I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
