for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
