Your face is a jimmy john
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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