yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She swung at the pinata with crutches
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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