For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
