Christians are straight up FREAKS
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
