If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
