If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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