dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
