peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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