i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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