I'm jealous of your bromance
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
