Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
