Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
