I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize