I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
