oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
