Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
