So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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