I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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