I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
