i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
