i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
