Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
