I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
