Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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