I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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