I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
