ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize