I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
