brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
