And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
