God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
