i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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