The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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