She announced her abortion via fbk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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