She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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