I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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