dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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