No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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