just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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