i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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