the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize