sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found your dick twin last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
